Oversharing Is Caring
The people who think less of me for being honest were never going to be the ones I could actually help.
In my first substack post here, I mentioned that I write about my mess on purpose. I said almost 20 years in recovery taught me that honesty about your own stuff is one of the most useful things you can offer another person.
I didn’t explain why I actually believe that. This is that post.
If you’ve been following my blog, you may have noticed a pattern. I wrote about my approval addiction. I wrote about my ongoing battle with resentment. I’m working on a post where I share the full transcript of a talk I gave at my church about my sexual addiction. If you’re thinking this is starting to sound like a therapy session… fair point.
So why do I keep posting my L’s? Why does a guy who literally wrote about being an approval addict keep hitting publish on posts that are almost guaranteed to make at least a few people think less of him?
I’m asking myself the same thing.
Part of the answer is Romans 8:28:
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
All things. Not the polished things. Not the highlights reel. All of it. The mess, the shame, the patterns I wish I didn’t have.
The other part is almost 20 years of Celebrate Recovery — every Friday night in a room full of people sharing the real version of their lives. After that long, you start to lose your taste for pretending. You also start to notice something: every time someone is honest about their struggle, at least one other person in the room exhales. Because they thought they were the only one.
That’s the gift. Not the confession itself, but the “me too” that follows.
There’s more to unpack here — including the part where my approval addiction throws a full-on fit every time I hover over the publish button. That tension is probably the most honest thing I’ve written in a while.
Thank you for reading.
— JT